So the operation is tomorrow.
I am finding this quite difficult to get my head around right now. I felt very wobbly yesterday. I hugged my 4yo’s teacher goodbye as she’s leaving at half term, so I won’t see her again. My friend’s mum hugged me in the playground and offered to walk my 4yo home from school whenever needed. The ball of overwhelm in my tummy surged up and tugged at my bottom lip. I had to make stupid faces at my 1yo to keep it in check.
Today, I feel calmer and it all feels less real.
I can’t quite imagine what it will feel like to have constant pain right in my core. I imagine it will feel different to the sharp spasms of pain that I have now and it feels scary and unreal all at the same time. So if I could fast forward to a fortnight from now, that would be quite nice.
I am hopeful, I am worried about how I will cope and how my children will feel, I am scared, I am hopeful again.