On Perspective (and Grumpiness)

Compared to the pain I was in a year ago, I am doing really well. 

Compared to the pain I was in 6 months ago, I am doing really well. 

I have had no bedbound days since my operation at the end of September. I have halved my medication from this time last year. I have started doing things with my 22 month old that require me to lift her into the car, take her places, push her in the swing and stop her running into the path of an oncoming vehicle. 

I am doing really well. 

Sometimes my leg goes numb and I have pins and needles in random places, like the middle of my calf. 

Sometimes I can feel my back on the verge of giving way and I need to stop what I’m doing and give myself a break. 

Sometimes I want to lie down immediately and feel like I might weep if I don’t get the chance to soon. 

Sometimes I am really grumpy with it all. 

And sometimes, I feel like a complete arse for feeling grumpy with it all. I remind myself that I have halved my medication and had no bedbound days, I remind myself that many people would give anything to be as mobile as I am. I remind myself that I was really lucky to get the surgery I needed and that it has made such a big difference. 

I need to keep the perspective, and remember how well I am doing. 

I also need to let myself feel a bit crap sometimes too. Sometimes I forget that that is OK too. 

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4 responses to “On Perspective (and Grumpiness)

  1. It’s that perpetual choice in life – who or what do I compare myself with. There are always those who seem loads better, richer, healthier but there are also millions who are clearly loads worse.

    But I think for you it’s not just a question of perspective. In the face of happy little children bouncing about having fun, always wanting you to join in and play, the permanent need to repress your natural instincts must be very hard. All your spontaneous, physical energy will want to get up and be part of it.

    The mind alone could learn to detach and look at perspective. The body cannot do that so easily. Be kind to your body and let it grief a little

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