One Year Later

This exact time last year, I was unconscious on the operating table.

This time last year I had spent the first month of my child’s school life trying not to cry on the walk to school or whilst sitting on the classroom floor during ‘reading mornings’.

This time last year I winced every time I picked up my toddler

This time last year I was hoping to wake up from surgery with the possibility of more and less: more mobility, more energy, less pain and less painful exhaustion, less grumpiness with my children, less fear at getting through each day.

This time last year I was nervous about the 8 – 10 weeks of not being allowed to sit, stand, lift, twist or bend.

Is it possible to be hopeful and unconscious at the same time?

This exact time last year, I was unconscious on the operating table.

Fast forward one year. It’s been quite a year. I can walk without wincing. I can play without crying. I can find reserves of energy I did not have. The pain is still there, a lot of the time, but it is less, and it doesn’t hinder me in the same way. My 5 year old does not remember me using crutches. My 2 year old does not remember my limitations. These things are magic to me.

The fact that I still need to take my medication for several years, and the fact that I need to do over an hour’s physio every night to keep mobile, the fact that there are activities I have wiped from my brain as possible things to do feel difficult, but not impossible. I do not feel limited in the same way as I did before the surgery and before the pain management programme.

The ups and downs have been physical and emotional. Here’s to the next year. This year I feel hopeful without needing to be unconscious first.

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