On Friday I have an appointment with the neuro team who will look at whether I need surgery on my spine. 

This is making me feel nervous; nervous about potential surgery on my spine and all the risks that go with that and nervous about not having surgery and what that means for living with pain. 

I have decided that I need to write down all the things that I need to know, and have wanted to ask over the last couple of years, but every time I sit down with my pen and paper my mind goes blank. 

All I can think is: will the pain be forever if I don’t have surgery?